When we marry as young twenty somethings
we marry a stranger
even if we have known him a year
have met his family
see his assets and vulnerabilities
his successes are viewed
as part of him
because I was green
you were my first receiver
I loved you so very much
I allowed you to enter my body
and the next year
we became parents
you began to show me
how unloving you were.
You would not take care of our baby
yes, she had multiple birth defects
yes, your mother would have been upset
maybe, she would have cut off your allowance
just grew and grew
if you rode your bike
and worked hard;
you wanted a massage for your back
and never gave me one; not once.
And, I stayed with you
and made two more children.
The candles shining in my darkness
and they are daughters
with very little of you in them.
By nature and nurture, they belong to themselves.
They love, they reach out to others and they are lovable to me.
You are dead
and sometimes, I am still sad.
at what we might have had. We never got to sit
with our grandchildren around us; not once.
When you refused to love
when you could not or would not love
and your life force was lessened
and you left us very early. As I write this prose,
I realize I am no longer mad (like crazy) nor am I sad.
My tribute is my love regardless of whether it was returned.