I am so Sad Loving You

You have taken a “hike” once again.

Yes, we have only known each other a short time; yet intensely.

I do not like your anger or your cruel words.

I have discovered why you do it.

Problem is:  is there enough time for us to come to terms with a real problem you are having which you have not shared with me?

I can name all those things I like and love about you:  the way you hold a grandchild in your arms, your fondness for many different places and spaces, your attraction to the weird and different in people without being off put and your many genius thoughts which we share from time to time.

I love your cooking.  It is so restful to be with someone and not to have to think about what to prepare to eat.  I like the formulaic way you prepare the same meals day in and day out and it suits my palate as well as my stomach.  My skin is less dry and I feel good.

I love the way your mind works.  I guess I wish I could re-train it and I know that is impossible.  We do not have enough time to do so.  You have done so well with most of your endeavors.  I could be the last chink to drop into the wall of your life and if you fulfilled your goal of an enduring relationship, you might be close to perfect.

I want to hold your face in my hands one more time and one more time after that one and pretend the angry words and the cruel ways will not return again.  I want to lie in your arms and feel your fingers kneading my skin.  Most of all, I want to be with you and alive and to be present within the relationship.  Is it too much to ask?  I think it is and I am so very, very sad.

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