You Would not Let me Love You Today

You were so tired when you arrived home at 4:30.  A day which was 9 hours long is too long for you and I know it.  It is what our society demands at this time in our history; so it is thought.  You are so small, so tough and so forlorn.

I try my usual tickle.  It does not work.  Your eyes are downcast.  Your spirits are destroyed by your best friend who would not sit next to you on the bus.  I wish I could show you how much I love you and tell you it will be okay and one day, you will be driving the bus of your life by yourself and I hope you will love every minute.

You, the child of my lioness’ loins, my August babe, my heart with your blue eyes and your sunny smile can become a summer hurricane in a New York minute.  Your lovely voice turns into a growl.  I cannot come near you.  You want your mother and you do not want her.  Your want to be her only one but you are stuck in the middle and although I was not in the middle of my family; I think I understand what you are going through.  How scary is the middle of the night for me when I awake and wonder if I will sleep again.  How sad I feel when I know the middle of my life has passed me by.  I have lost my best friend in a house in the Pacific Northwest, in a home on a ridge in Tennessee and upon a hillock in southwest Virginia.  Now, I am no longer in the middle.  I am at the end; long years of retirement and diminishing health await me.

There are new methods of enhancing our health and I hope they come in our time as I would like to live to be 100 and see what choices you make in your life.  You will be a stalwart gal, a leader and as mercurial as you are now.  You are the child of my flesh, your blue eyes are the blue of my father and his people’s eyes and the blonde hair you wear comes from my fresh supply of eggs now gone stale these many years.

Little big girl, how I love you.  I love to watch you dance and sing.  The way you run with the soccer ball amazes me and I rejoice when you are able to recite a book as I read it to you.  I love it when you crawl all over my lap and legs because you do not stay like you used to; now, you have duties.  You are a big sister, you go to bed on your own because your classmates do and you must forever compete with your sister who manages to stay ahead of you no matter what you try to get ahead of her.

Remember, Little Leo, it will not always be this way.  One day, you will lead your own pack. You may be in the middle now by birth; then, you will be in charge.  Like your namesake, you will have adventures, always love the water and summertime and rejoice when you are out of doors.  I think you will love to read  as I do.  I see you sing in the warm summer sun and I am reminded of all the people in our family who have sung their way through life with “You are my Sunshine”, “Singing in the Rain” and “Amazing Grace.”  How sweet is the sound of you moving through my life.  You are going so fast; sometimes, I think you are a blur and then you allow me to grab you and give a quick hug and I love you so much I think my heart will break.


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