Why I Can Not Love You

beneath my fingertips your skin

is smooth

and hard

covering a tangled web of heart strings

like a hide I want to know the sinews deep inside

what makes us human and causes us to reach out to someone

to assuage loneliness to create love to be with

next day a part of you flows from me as I relax

things are not easy between us.  Really irrational that in old age,

I would seek

a lover and be satisfied with loving,

quiet conversation, soup and a garden.

and yet, I am.

my heart beats and my brain thrums

I want more

more than he may have to give

more than he may want to give

I am southern; he desires to go north

both make perfect sense

for being strangers, how can we not be better

served by being nearer family?

He came to me and went away and came again.

Waiting is not my strong suit.  He is slow to these things

he says.  And, in the meantime, we could make decisions casting

us even farther from each other.  I will wait because the ashes have him

for now

and hoping he will be able to rise once more to me.

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